IM with Azriel

[This is a frightening way to start an evening.]
Azriel: lookin for meaningless sex?
SwankiVY2: Actually . . . you couldn't have asked a less appropriate person.
SwankiVY2: Um . . . were you serious? I hope you were joking.
Azriel: of course.
SwankiVY2: Odd way to start a conversation, mister. . . .
SwankiVY2: I've seen weirder, though.
Azriel: sorry, i'm really horny.
SwankiVY2: I tend to feel that people should keep that to themselves if nothing admirable can be done about it. . . .
SwankiVY2: What in the world are you doing on AOL if you're horny?
Azriel: looking to have phone sex or hook up with someone locally.
SwankiVY2: I think that's weird.
Azriel: i guess so.
SwankiVY2: What do you get out of phone sex? I swear, I'd start laughing if anyone tried that with me.
Azriel: i know, but i tried it nad if both people are into it, it is really good.
SwankiVY2: Oh. Well, that would explain it. . . .
SwankiVY2: I wouldn't be able to get into it. I'm nonsexual.
Azriel: what do u mean?
SwankiVY2: I don't have any sexual feelings.
SwankiVY2: I don't have, nor have I ever had, those particular impulses.
Azriel: why not?
SwankiVY2: I don't know. It just never happened to me.
Azriel: i'd like to talk to you, and see if we can't get you to cum out of your shell.
SwankiVY2: Um . . . you don't seem to understand that those kind of things aren't appealing to me. It's not a "shell"; it isn't as if I'm too shy or embarrassed. It's that I'm simply not physically interested.
Azriel: why not?
Azriel: have you ever kissed a guy?
SwankiVY2: I told you, I don't know. Sexual arousal is a physical thing, and it has never happened to me.
SwankiVY2: Yes, I have kissed many guys.
Azriel: have you ever received head?
SwankiVY2: Received head?
SwankiVY2: I'm not sure I know the definition of that.
Azriel: been eaten out?
SwankiVY2: No, I haven't.
Azriel: i love doing it. I hear I'm real good.
Azriel: i'd love to try it on u if you don't mind.
SwankiVY2: Um . . . how much more bluntly can I say it? NO?
SwankiVY2: I am not aroused by that.
Azriel: i know, but if you let me try, i will arouse you.
Azriel: what do u look like?
SwankiVY2: I doubt that. There have been guys who have tried for two and a half years.
Azriel: i'm the one.
Azriel: trust me.
Azriel: where do u live?
Azriel: i make housecalls.
SwankiVY2: Do you honestly feel that you are that important? You must be nothing but ego.
Azriel: actually, i am really cute, for real. I just like pleasing women.
SwankiVY2: Well, I've been told I'm cute too, but I don't use it as a conversation piece.
SwankiVY2: I also don't begin conversations with disgusting images like "meaningless sex."
SwankiVY2: What makes you think you could possibly be "the one" if you're so incredibly genetic, apparently, that I would probably be sickened rather than turned on if you spoke to me?
Azriel: i know, i'm sorry, it was crude and insensitive.
SwankiVY2: Yes, it was . . . and you're still trying
Azriel: you just have to trust me. I know that you would walk away feeling wonderful.
SwankiVY2: I'm not sure whether to laugh or throw up.
SwankiVY2: I think I'll laugh right now.
Azriel: if u do not want to meet, bye.
SwankiVY2: Are you serious? Are you SERIOUSLY trying to hook up with someone on AOL for meaningless sex?
Azriel: yes.
SwankiVY2: I think that's very narrow-minded . . . don't you have better aspirations, and more concern for other people and respect for YOURSELF than to lower yourself to that level?
Azriel: nope.
Azriel: i am a blood sucking lawyer.
SwankiVY2: I'm so sorry! I think if you gave ME some time, I just might wake YOU up.
SwankiVY2: It doesn't bother you to be so depraved, and have so little meaning in your life? You really should examine your values!
SwankiVY2: I really care about people, even if they don't care back or think that I'm making charity cases out of them . . . I think you need to realize your own worth, okay?
Azriel: k
SwankiVY2: I wish you love and luck. I'll leave you alone now so that you can get on with your activities, whatever they may be.
[It’s unfortunate when I get serious with people like this and they still don’t get the point. I still feel bad for this guy. :( What's really sad is that a couple nights later, this happened.]
Azriel: hello, i'm scott
Swankivy2: Hi there.
Azriel: what's up?
Swankivy2: Nothing. . . .
Azriel: me neither, i'm a lil horny, u?
Swankivy2: Bwahaha!
Swankivy2: Wait a second, let me send you something in the mail. . . .
Azriel: huh?
Azriel: ok
[At this point, I sent him a copy of our previous conversation in his email.]
Swankivy2: You've got mail . . . *giggle*
[And he checks it.]
Azriel: YES, that is my brother, he will love that. thanx a million
Swankivy2: Shuuuuure.
Swankivy2: *giggle* You sure are pathetic, dude.
Azriel: whatever, but thanx, for real
Azriel: bye now
Swankivy2: Seee ya! Hope you get some sex and don't end up with the bathroom sink again!
[You'd think that would be the end of it. You'd be thinking wrong.]
Azriel: hi
Swankivy2: hi
Azriel: what up
Swankivy2: not too damn much. You?
Azriel: just real bored and lonely
Swankivy2: Yeah, I know.
Azriel: so, what should we do about this?
Swankivy2: Well. You're bored, right?
Azriel: yes...
Swankivy2: Well . . . I got an idea that might amuse.
Azriel: what?
Swankivy2: How about you start keeping a log of which people you've already IMed for sex, so that you don't IM some of us three times?
Azriel: ok
Swankivy2: This is I believe the third time you've propositioned me . . . isn't there anyone else online, and have you just not gotten enough?
Swankivy2: I mean . . . If you like I could mail you our conversations where I told you off, if you don't remember them.
Azriel: no, sorry
Swankivy2: Please don't IM me for sex again. It's really starting to get pathetic, if it's possible for you to become even more of a lowlife.

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Comments from others:

Mikey: Azriel looking for meaningless sex well I am sure he has had plenty of that already as I am sure he must have a real love for phallus shaped fruit, but was a little perturbed when he realized he didn't want to cuddle with it after he finished. Or perhaps he has done it so much he is walled out and decided it was time for a change and thought of the phone, well I will wish him luck with his new endeavor and perhaps just perhaps he will find or science will make that talking piece of fruit in which he seeks.

Zei-kun: OMG This guy is so pathetic...i feel sorry for you that had to put up with this guy three times ¬¬

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