Jerk #19: "Do you model?"

Subj: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:00:37 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

Yeah, actually, that was it. The headers were the entire e-mail; there was no body. The whole text of the e-mail was that subject line. So, I responded, in even fewer words.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:24:44 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [Name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 7:55:39 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[Subj: do you model?]

Nope.

Now a response, but not really.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:24:49 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

how old?

Good lord. Well, I humored him.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:25:13 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:24:49 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[how old?]

I'm 25 . . . why are you asking me if I model?

Deciding to stretch his conversation skills, the guy interacted with me using more than three words:

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:25:33 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

cuz i am looking for new talent and thought you had an awesome look.

Obviously if he's seen me, he's been to my Web page. And obviously he didn't look at anything but the pictures if he thinks I'd want to be a model. Nevertheless, I attempted to be kind.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:26:24 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:25:33 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[cuz i am looking for new talent and thought you had an awesome look.]

I wouldn't consider myself "talent" as far as modeling goes, and don't know what "look" you're talking about . . . plus I'm only 4'11", I doubt anything to do with modeling would fit me.

Obviously he doesn't understand what a brush-off is.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:26:55 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

of course there is. its not always about the way you look. its about being sexy on film. and you are definitely sexy

So, besides the fact that "of course there is" doesn't even respond to anything I said, it seems now he's trying to expand my poor self-esteem and tell me how sexy I am, despite the fact that he's never even seen me moving. What the hell does he know? Well. I attempted to brush him off again.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:27:19 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:26:55 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[of course there is. its not always about the way you look. its about being sexy on film. and you are definitely sexy]

Not interested in sex or sexiness, but thanks for asking.

Well, you'll see in his next e-mail how he decided to let me know he knows better than I do what I think.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:29:22 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

sure you are. what dummy would pass up $125k/yr?

Sure I am what? Sure I am interested in sex and sexiness? Whatever you say buddy, but REGARDLESS of whether you can offer up $125k/yr (doubtful):

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:31:52 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:29:22 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[sure you are. what dummy would pass up $125k/yr?]

Money has nothing to do with it I'm afraid. I never wanted to make a career out of my body even if I *could* succeed at it. I'm a writer and that's my passion—I doubt doing anything that can be described as "modeling" would be fulfilling for me.

Well obviously I'm stupid, as evidenced by the next mail.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:33:15 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

sure it would. it would open more doors for you to write storylines and scripts

That's right, you hear all kinds of things about doors being opened for satellite cable "models" writing SCRIPTS, as if that's what I wanted to do anyway. The guy just doesn't seem to understand that not everyone who could be a model particularly wants to, and then automatically starts trying to get me to think I could succeed in my life's work by being a cable slut.

Notice how I'm no longer trying to be particularly tactful.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:34:05 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:33:15 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[sure it would. it would open more doors for you to write storylines and scripts]

That's not what I write, and it's just not remotely in the ballpark for what I do, so I think this subject is officially dropped.

He doesn't understand what "drop it" means.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:34:35 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: [name deleted]
To: SwankiVY2

ok so lets fawk for fun. i know you get around so it shouldnt be a problem

Yeah, I know a lot of talent scouts who hit people up for sex on the Internet. I wonder in WHAT universe the response to this is a shy but lustful "Well, okay, you've got my number . . . where do you live?"

Denied.

Subj: Re: do you model?
Date: 7/1/2003 8:35:35 PM Eastern Standard Time
From: SwankiVY2
To: [name deleted]

In a message dated 7/1/2003 8:34:35 PM Eastern Standard Time, [name deleted] writes:

[ok so lets fawk for fun. i know you get around so it shouldnt be a problem]

That is not even a remote possibility. I don't think any fun I could have could possibly include someone who makes that sort of suggestion. I am quite over this thank you.

I blocked him from my mailbox at that point.

But I dunno, man, that modeling offer sure sounded tempting, I mean, a possibility of writing SCRIPTS that have NOTHING to do with my current writing, which would somehow be accepted by publishers because I bared my naked body on TV . . . I can tell you, I really almost took that deal and ran with it, snacking along the way on the free sex on the side.

What can I say, I'm star-struck.